Writing about yourself in application forms is the...
I write all this bollocks about being hard working, skilled, shitting gold bricks and bleeding excellance. But you know when you arrive at the place they’re expecting this 6’2, long golden locks, muscle bound, horse back riding god and then they realise that in fact its just you.
My cat is scared of my moose.
Never thought i’d say that.
Kristen stewart is the one.
Only seen her in Adventureland but still, shes the one!
Theres a reason why Italians dont play rugby.
Because we’re shit at it.
I'm sure the papers are blowing everything up
Gaddafi seems like a right lad.
Anonymous asked: whenever i see a gpoy of you on my dashboard i'm like holy shit, i should move to south wales. you're just so good looking. just sayin' :)
Anyone get that squiggly black line in the corner...
Shit scares me.
Just been told if i keep going the way am i, i'm...
But I’ve always been a prick, smart arse who will always answer back and i’ve only been punched once.
Eyehategod in Britain!?
Oh lordy lordy yes.
£9 for a chicken sandwich and some mash?
No, fuck you Nandos!
Anonymous asked: you are the spitting image of the staring dad cartoon, no lie.
Mtv is getting worse (even though it has been bad...
Shows like Daria, Beavis and Butthead, Jackass and Celebrity death match piss all over 16 and pregnant, The Hills and My super sweet 16.
Raphael was the best Ninja Turtle.
Need more friends who are girls
I don’t think a bunch of boys would go see Black Swan.
Anonymous asked: Your perfect women?
Getting a phonecall sometime next week about...
Its all aboot that. But seriously they are, whoop.
Anyone wanna take me to Manchester sunday, you'd...
I wish i was Phillip J. Fry.
Just found a pair of Doc martens in the downstairs...
Anonymous asked: You choo choo choose me?
Anonymous asked: Are you single?
All over the world (because of today) mens wallets...
Whats two things the BAFTAs have over the Oscars?
Class and prestige.
Vests are bent.
I woke up half asleep last night and had no...
I got really scared and thought i’d be a cripple for the rest of my life, then fell asleep and woke up not disabled.